I wrote an email to a friend today. I'm putting it out there for others to see, to know, about me. I am changing. I can't stay the same. Being the same means being the same unhappy person I've grown accustomed to. Not really grown accustomed to, I guess, because I don't feel comfortable in my own skin when I feel unhappy and unfullfilled. But those feelings have kind of become the norm and I wasn't even really aware of it. Until recently.
You see, I am moving. Into a mobile home. A trailer. And I have struggled with it, majorly. Why? Because of the stigma. Because I can still hear my ex-husband call me "trash." And what term usually comes prior to "trash." Yep, you guessed it. Trailer.
But, I'm done struggling with it. I'm done with the thought that a societal stigma can cause me to feel badly about myself, when in fact, I am doing what is best for me and my children. And who said "more is better" anyway? I think deep down we all know that's a lie that has been told to us by, who else, but the marketing firms for years and years so we would consume more and more.
As for me, I'm ready to just find peace. It's there. I know it is.
Here is the email I wrote to my friend today. The book I'm talking about is called "Achieve Anything in Just One Year." Me...I want to achieve simplicity, peace and freedom!
Joan,
Yeah, this book is fitting in nicely with a recent change in my attitude about “things.” As you know, I really struggled with the thought of moving to a mobile home. They hold such a stigma…in Oxford, the people who lived in the trailer park were often referred to as “trailer trash.” To me, I felt like I was moving backwards. I’ve struggled to get my kids to a better place since my divorce. My ex took us so far down financially that I still feel the ramifications from that. So, when it seemed like the only choice I had, financially, was to move into a trailer, I felt kind of devastated. HOWEVER, my way of thinking has been changing quite a bit lately. I’ve been watching a lot of videos on the computer and doing some reading of material that reinforces the good things about downsizing…about how we really don’t need as much as we think we do. How always struggling to get more things is not what brings us happiness. I believe it to be true. I feel like there is a major change in how I look at things…how I look at material things. They are not bad per se, but I don’t need a big home to be happy. My trailer will be new and it won’t be more than I can handle. It’s on the outskirts of town, with the bike trail right behind it. I have a little creek in my back yard. I’m actually getting very excited to move in and make it my own. This book is helping me with realizing that my dreams aren’t really attached to owning a big home or a better car, they never really were. My ex was into all that stuff and ran us into the ground financially trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” I always felt uncomfortable with that. Now I can live how I want…and really the only thing I want is what I need to live a simple life. Funny how at 48 I feel like I am really truly finding myself!!
